Fear

   Everyone’s afraid of something. It’s human nature to have fear. But what a person is afraid of and how they handle the fear, can help determine and shape a person’s life. Me? I’m afraid of failure and being lonely, as well as numerous other things. 

   My fear has started to take over my life. I’m afraid of being alone and being lonely, yet I have walls up to block people out. In essence, I’m afraid of being hurt for the same reason again, so I self-sabotage to at least ease one fear I have, even though it causes a new fear. People always say “you learn from your mistakes, blah blah blah…” yet I’m afraid of failure.

   I’m a perfectionist, all my life I’ve set out to be perfect and when someone told me that no one is perfect, I looked them in the eyes and said, “then I’ll get as damn close as I can”. I was 8. I remember in Kindergarten when the teacher asked all of us what we wanted to be when we grow up. Most kids said a firefighter or a teacher, something along those lines. I said perfect. I don’t know why I try so badly to be perfect, but my perfectionism has led to failure because my goals are too highly set, nearly impossible to reach. How I deal, how everyone deals with fear, is something that I need to change. It’s good to acknowledge your fear, but do not let it control your life. I’m learning, and I hope this is a set in the right direction to Finding Me again.

Question: What are you afraid of?